Random Percussion

If I muse in deliberate freeform thought long enough, random thoughts pelt me like a rainstorm. It never fails to fascinate me how quickly my mind can shift gears and ponder meaning and superfluities within the same breath.

Here is a sample of the mind of Lachen from 4:30-4:45 this afternoon as I shopped through the aisles of my local grocery store:

It is interesting that often when I am wholly on the acute needs of one child, the other one inevitably gets into trouble. LaLa fell down and scraped herself and while I was nursing that wound, JoyBoy decided to go scuba diving in the toilet again. I need to remember to keep my eyes and ears alert and not be so intensely focused that I fail to notice the chaos brewing behind me.

As a nation, we may want to keep this in mind. Not to us all: China and North Korea are playing with the toilet while we are bandaging up scrapes in Iraq and Afghanistan. Granted, our efforts are noble and necessary, but so are the eyes and ears in the backs of our heads.

Surely every magazine is not running the same story and press photos of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes this week...

I feel so awful for those children who are losing their lives and limbs to sharks in Florida and other places this summer already. But a part of me also knows that if we swim with sharks in mutually growing numbers, there is an increasingly statistically real possibility that we are going to see ample bites , maimings, and deaths resulting from shark "attacks" each year. The ocean is the home of some very big fish. Some with lethal teeth and genetically bad attitudes. And they are dangerous. To swim where they live is to take on that risk. My heart hurts for the human lives we lose to sharks each season. But my head tells me there is a simple solution - as no shark I have ever heard outside an SNL skit climbs out of the water, walks to our home, clubs us over the head, and then drags us into the ocean.

Only humans behave and prey on others that way. We are the true predators, not the sharks.

WHY can't they find Natalee?

Why is it inevitable that almost any given grocery store shopping cart has one of the following 4 flaws: an unearthly loud squeak when in motion, one wheel that is completely immobile, broken child straps, or is prone to listing to one side so badly that you have to lean on the cart heavily if you wish to actually go forward in a straight line?

LaLa is right - broccoli is "little trees".

What are the actual differences between toothbrushes that cost $.99 and those that cost $6.99?

That guy looks like the Unibomber. Wait - is that the Unibomber? Should I follow him? Didn't they already catch the Unibomber? If they did, this guy is his twin, I swear. What do I do if this IS the Unibomber, right here in the frozen foods section? Dial 9-1-1? Duck and cover behind the raviolli? Wait ~ is the Unibomber bald?

Velveeta cannot be cheese. Real Cheese has to be refrigerated. Velveeta just sits there on the shelf for who knows how long. That scares me. What the heck IS Velveeta?

We're onto you guys. We know you deliberately place the older milk out to the front of the refrigerated display, hoping we'll just take it quickly without looking at the expiration date. We're going to choose the milk at the BACK. We're onto you guys.

I can't imagine the immense pain of not knowing where my child is and must remember to pray for Natalee Holloway and her family tonight.

Butter is on sale. I don't really NEED butter right now, but it is on sale. If you buy something you don't really need because it is on sale, is that wise or unwise?

If someone created Bible-character-cereal, I'd buy it. It HAS to be better than some of the nonsense here. Mud & Bugs? Surely that is far less appetizing than David and Goliath Crunch would be. Maybe my inspired creation of Adam & Eve Apple Crisp with marshmallow serpents would allow me to retire early with my vast cereal empire earnings.

And that's only fifteen minutes. I should charge admission. Or get some therapy.