War & Peace. And floppy, rotting fish.

I am pacing inside myself.

Shades of frustration, introspective stillness, hope, yearning, and an overall sense of unrest are fighting for dominance within me today. "Grappling" best defines the condition of my heart and mind at this very moment in respect to the topic at hand. Above all, I am again on my knees in prayer. Again seeking God's wisdom because my own, plainly, LACKS. I am committed to tilling the contents of my heart and mind until I find a way to traverse with Biblical integrity through this rabid jungle of an issue. I am seeking a path in which I can boldly and with confidence lead my own heart - and then others - to a Godly destination, not plummeting off the jagged cliff I teeter admittedly close to while navigating the terrain here.

The news yesterday out of my beloved state was not unexpected. A single California judge overruled the will of the people by declaring California's Proposition 22 "Marriage Law" both unconstitutional and "irrational".

The response from the people (but who even cares about the people, right?) indicated that about 10% of the us rejoiced, 25% of us were best described as neutrally content, and the rest of us - the overwhelming majority - quietly seethed in frustration and anger with a system of government that allows our voices to be so easily and unacceptably eclipsed. Especially considering the subject matter.

While we are not unaccustomed to voice of the majority of California citizens being overruled by rogue Judges or the infamous 9th District Court of Appeals, it does not get easier to stomach each time it happens. And it certainly bodes poorly for the crummy standard of American justice we are willing to settle for these days.

62.1% of us voted for Proposition 22 five years ago. Today, one judge overturned us.

Now there's a balanced legal scale.

My soul is at war.

On the strictly legal side, it would not matter to me if this were a vote over renaming French Fries, "Funky Fries" at all fast food restaurants statewide. If the majority of Californians - over 4.6 MILLION of us - vote for this proposition, let us usher in the era of Funky Fries! And to them endow all privileges formerly bestowed upon only French Fries. Let us rejoice in the liberation provided by the resounding majority and embrace the new reality of Funky Fries! Let us have a parade, grateful for a clear direction and let us honor the resounding will of the people.

That is, until the will of the people unwittingly tramples the right of someone who is "violated" that his beloved French Fries were discriminated against, and files a lawsuit, thereby ending the brief but notable career of the poor, doomed Funky Fries.

A moment of silence seems in order.

Buried within my sarcasm is the point: We all VOTED on a ballot measure which was unsuccessfully legally challenged prior to the election. This ballot measure was deemed NOT disharmonious with the Constitution of the United States of America, in fact or intention. It was only claimed to be so AFTER THE FACT by those for whom the outcome of the March 2000 California election does not suit. Those who are angry. Those who want marriage forever altered to suit their desires. Those who are using any legal maneuvering possible to achieve the overrule of the majority will of the people in pursuit of their goal.

Should we not listen to the majority rule? Is that not basis for our electoral process? This is not a dictatorship (all political jabs aside), this is a Republic run by means of a Democratic electoral process, is it not? So when 4.6 Californians - roughly 2/3 of us vote YES on a legal ballot measure, should that measure not be enacted immediately folliwing the certification of the election? Otherwise, what exactly is the point of voting at all? If every ballot measure that has the potential to tick somone off is going to endure achingly long years of legal wrangling under the test of "constitutionality" and rarely be actualized, why bother taking a vote on these things at all?

You know - to save time, we might want to consider abolishing elections altogether. No matter what the majority thinks, believes, or votes - we seem to be consistently shot down by a self-appointed ambassador of truth in a judicial robe. One judge does not a consensus make. Appointed judges should NOT hold veto power over the will of the people. This is wrong. Our state is being held hostage by agendas and power-trips. Our voice in our own government is being summarily curtailed at the will of the minority.

To me, this is unacceptable, it is angering, and it is wrong. Our state is in real trouble if we fail to recognize the serious nature of this imbalance of power and correct it NOW.

I have been in the electoral minority many times (I voted for Perot, OK?) and been outvoted by a large margin. It stinks and certainly does not feel great, especially when I feel strongly about the matter at hand. But this is America and majority rules.

Right?

To the softer side of this issue I turn now... the HEART side. The crux of the matter - the substance. It is here that I ache and I struggle most. My desire is to stand against the tide of division and discord surrounding this whole hoopla while maintaining the integrity of my adherence to Biblical truths, top among them to LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS I HAVE LOVED YOU.

My humanity gets in the way a shameful bit here, and I already feel my footting tremble even as I write. But I know truth from a deeper well than my own, which is my salvation when it comes to this.

At the heart of the matter lies, for me, the question of equality. If homosexual people are equal under the eyes of the law to heterosexual people, why can't they be married? For me, that answer is simple and two-pronged.

Because equal does not neccesarily mean the same.

And because marriage by definition, practice, culture, understanding, history, fact, intention, and institution, is a union of one man and one woman. It has been, it will be, it is. To redefine it against the will of the people would result in a forced evolution of a cultural, historical, sacred, and covenantal cornerstone against the majority of those within said culture. Obviously this is a flawed, shortsighted, dangerous plan. Backlash tends to occur when people are pushed towatds a destination instead of being lead. The amendment of marriage in ANY way should not be considered until and unless the majority will of the people support such a change to such an iconic institution of their own accord and free will. Hijacking this issue prematurely and without ripe support of the majority, thereby forcing society into a direction it is unwilling to go, cannot ever be effective in uniting said society.

My gay friends have 100% equal civil rights and protections under the law as I have here, notwithstanding the right to call themselves "married". NO ADDITIONAL RIGHT OR BENEFIT to gay people in California would exist by changing marriage to include homosexual unions beyond semantics and a psychologically perceived victory for some hollow "equal rights" agenda. But detriment and disenfranchisement of the majority who consistently raise our voice against it would occur en masse if the change were enacted against our wills.

California has made giant strides in offering same sex couples equal civil protections under the law. It's about time for this just inclusion, and it is supported by the vast majority of people. Civil Rights are thus equalized while marriage remains intact as it is, despite current noisy societal pendulum shifts and ensuing sometimes hysterical grumblings about it.

I love my gay friends - every single one is a blessing in my life. And they miraculously love me back, despite our polar views on some critical elements in life. Even better, God loves us all and that blanket is warm, comforting, healing, and all- encompassing. Our lives are intertwined peacefully until this inevitable issue lands between us like a big flopping fish, fresh out of the water. And it keeps flopping around, doggone it! It won't settle down or be still. And now the fish has started to smell and rot, but cannot seem to throw it off the boat, no matter how hard we try. So we are stuck with this dead, stinking fish indefinitely.

Can we please throw the darned thing off the boat soon? Please? HELP.

Marriage.

Homosexuality.

Screaming, grouchy people on the evening news.

Hatred.

I just want to get in my bed and pull the covers up until everyone learns to be open and respectful to one another while we are all journeying through this together. Until there are less landmines buried under every conversation about this topic. Until we all realize that we are born of the same Creator and this stuff we bog ourselves down in is, by comparison, fairly petulant. Until there is peace, order, and honesty in our approach to solving this.

Certainly a solution cannot be accomplished if our judges can summarily negate the will of the people with a sweeping dismissal. Certainly it cannot be accomplished if the only way presented to solve the impasse is to inflict change without consent of the majority. Certainly it can not be accomplished if any American is made to be less equal or less valued or less loved than any another. There is OBVIOUSLY a difference of deeply held convictions about the questions at hand here. But are we willing to love each other through this. I declare openly that I am. I see no other way for us to make it through intact than to commit to our love for each other being bigger than our big, flopping, stinky fish differences.

I believe and teach my children that marriage is a holy, sacred, convenanted relationship between one man, one woman, and God. I will NOT teach them that our homosexual friends are entitled to less respect, love, honor, or value. But I will teach them the difference between God's laws and human laws. And I will teach them to value what is sacred above what is secular, because the sacred is eternal, holy, unchanging, unyielding, and constant. The secular is in constant flux, changing as the tides and constantly redefined by the will of the people.

Well, until a judge overrules it, that is.

And in the meantime, I am praying. And I am newly committed to pitch this wretched floppy, rotting fish overboard. As soon as humanly possible.