Snail Invasion

I've decided I really do hate snails. There is nothing existential or particularly monnumental about this decision, it just IS. And come to think of it, this is not a decision - it is a REACTION. An EARNED response to a weekend spent gardening and encountering many hundreds of the little varmints clinging to every carefully planted and tended agapanthus, rose, flower, and plant we have in our yards. They are destruction masterminds, chomping the heck out of our once lush foilage and making it look flimsy, holey, and pathetic - like something Bjork might wear to a major televised event.

Where did they all come from? Holy Moly. Snail bait is such a misnomer. I filled a box with the over 300 snails we pulled off the foilage today (one day = 300+ snails. Ugh), and sealed it up for the trash collection on Wednesday. Then (and this is pure me) sat around wondering if it was legal to actually throw something ALIVE away in the trash? Is that OK? I asked Hubby-man, who giggled at me and reassured me that it is NOT illegal to toss snails in the garbage. Kittens, no, Snails, yes.

So there is a line. See? I knew I was not worrying for nothing.

Just watch, though. I will be discovered and prosecuted by some fringe animal-rights action group for depriving snails of their civil liberties by disposing of them in such a manner. It would be my luck, I tell you. Where would you find legal representation for a case like that?

I am going to be checking the snail version of Expedia.com - because I am now sure our house is listed as a primary destination.

I hate snails. Gods' creations reveal his immense sense of humor. I know this personally by watching my pregnant body change in bizarre, odd, worrisome, and just plain funny looking ways every day for 9 months. Twice. But for the life of me, I am still trying to figure out the whole snail thing. Snails and black widow spiders. And stinging ants. And hissing beetles. And this scary-looking banana spider my Texan girlfriend once emailed me a photo of...

I'm starting a list.