...and a partridge in a pear tree. Sort of.

OK, so Christmas is over.

But if my Christmas tree is still up (and it is), that kind of dedication to keep the Christmas spirit alive all year long (are you buying this?) certainly buys me some slack in borrowing this tune long after the holidays, right? Don't think too harshly of me now - we aren't sitting here with a large fire hazard a-la dead Douglas Fir in the Family Room - we have a fake Christmas tree. But I'm not sure our non-living version, which has half of its once glorious decorations removed and is listing slightly to the left, is any better. I am pretending we have a secret reason for leaving ours up indefinitely - perhaps in efforts making it into the Guiness Book under a brand new category: laziest Christmas decoration removal process.

Although...my neighbors who leave their lighted reindeer out on their front lawn year round would give me a serious run for my money in my bid for that title. They keep changing the lights and decorations on the reindeer slightly to fit the various holidays as we come upon them. It was fine to have him decked out in hearts at Valentines Day, and I fully expect a Shamrock or two to pop up around him in a few weeks. But if they stick sparklers in his ears again on the Fourth of July, I am putting my foot down. That just violates basic principles of right and wrong. Celebrating the birth of our great nation is NOT cause to stick sparklers in ANY orafice of a lawn reindeer.

Scruples, people. Please.

Ah, but I digress. We now rejoin our previously scheduled program in progress....

May I invite you to join me in celebrating the last 24 hours in Casa Lachen with a song. To the tune of the "Twelve Days of Christmas" - here we go:


In the early, early morning my daughter said to me, "There's a teeny dead bird on our balcony"...

In the later early morning my cat threw up on me. Sick and Wrong and Icky...

CHORUS
"... and a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

Even later in the morning my lawn guy says to me: Broken water main...

CHORUS
"Sick and wrong and icky...
... and a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

In the early afternoon, my daughter says to me: Cat fell from the landing...

CHORUS
"Broken water main...
Sick and wrong and icky...
...and a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

At the veternary office, the doctor said to me: TWO HUN--DRED BUCKS!...

CHORUS
"Cat fell from the landing
Broken water main...
Sick and wrong and icky...
and a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

Coming home from the vets place, a neighbor said to me, "Looking kind of scruffy..."

CHORUS
"TWO HUN-DRED BUCKS!
Cat fell from the landing...
Broken water main...
Sick and wrong and icky...
and a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

At the park with my two children, my son bit into me. Bleeding from my leg now...

CHORUS
"Looking kind of scruffy...
TWO HUN-DRED BUCKS!
Cat fell from the landing...
Broken water main...
Sick and Wrong and Icky...
And a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

At home with doorway open, my daughter got the hose. She watered down the carpet...

CHORUS
"Bleeding from my leg now...
Looking kind of scruffy...
TWO HUN-DRED BUCKS!
Cat fell from the landing...
Broken water main...
Sick and Wrong and Icky...
And a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

While drying off, my son pulled a new one on his Mom. Stuck his head into the toilet...

CHORUS
"Watered down the carpet...
Bleeding from my leg now...
Looking kind of scruffy...
TWO HUN-DRED BUCKS!
Cat fell from the landing...
Broken water main...
Sick and Wrong and Icky...
And a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

Later in the day, the act of walking eluded me. I fell hard on my keister...

CHORUS
"His head is in the toilet...
Watered down the carpet...
Bleeding from my leg now...
Looking kind of scruffy...
TWO HUN-DRED BUCKS!
Cat fell from the landing...
Broken water main...
Sick and Wrong and Icky...
And a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

Cooking dinner for the munchkins, our smoke alarm went off: Burnt the garlic bread to ashes,

CHORUS
"Fell hard on my keister...
His head is in the toilet...
Watered down the carpet...
Bleeding from my leg now...
Looking kind of scruffy...
TWO HUN-DRED BUCKS!
Cat fell from the landing...
Broken water main...
Sick and Wrong and Icky...
And a teeny dead bird on our balcony."

Bathtime now, my son turned and smiled right at me. And Peed all over Mama!!

CHORUS
"Burnt the garlic bread to ashes...
Fell hard on my keister...
His head is in the toilet..
Watered down the carpet...
Bleeding from my leg now...
Looking kind of scruffy...
TWO HUN-DRED BUCKS!
Cat fell from the landing...
Broken water main...
Sick and Wrong and Icky...

AND A TEENY DEAD BIRD ON OUR BALCO-N--Y---Y----Y!"

Cheers.

And for heavens's sakes, take your pathetic Christmas trees down. It's almost March already.