wanted: uncomplicated ice

I visit the local pet store once a week. Because that is where they sell the rather slimy, definitely-not-for-the-squeamish blood worms we feed to the two Amazonian rubber eels in our fish tank. I dislike the worms, but love the eels, so I cope. The bonus of my weekly worm duty errand is the store mascot: a delightful miniature green parrot who likes to nibble on my keys and usually ends up on my shoulder or arm by the time I checkout. (There is a bit of a backstory about this little parrot that involves Ellen Degeneres, my infant son, and the broccoli aisle of the local market - but that tale will have to wait for another post.)

Next door to the Pet Place is a coffee and water store that also seems to sell juice and other various drinks. Basically, if it is wet and consumable, they seem to sell it. But what has interested me for a fair bit now is their boldy printed sign out front that reads: "GOURMET ICE". Gourmet ICE? How can ice be somehow more or less glamorous? When did ice develop into a class rating system - from mundane to gourmet? Isn't it all just frozen water when you get right down to it?

Clearly, I am missing something in the whole ice game. But it gave me food for thought - points to ponder - as I picked up my squirmy worms today.

And those thoughts launched me into this tangent: one of the primal causes of stress in our lives could potentially be solved if we could manage to navigate through our day to day tasks with more ease. Unfortunately, the mundanities of everyday life have become so doggone compartmentalized and unnecessarily complicated that we become tangled in an increasingly maddening labyrinth.

*~*~*~*~*

For example: I spent hours on the phone trying to fix an error on our water bill. Unless significant changes have occured in my household without my notice or consent, I am fairly certain my children are not planted in the ground and suddenly must be provided water through an agricultural meter at the lovely cost of $400 per month. It's shockingly hard to convince the water people over the phone that you are raising children, not strawberries.

There is no way in humanity any of us can possibly understand the US tax code and thus, abide by it, without $400 an hour help from an accountant. Make that an accountant that specializes in tax preparation for individuals.

We have to visit several different markets if our goal is to pay the least for each item on our shopping list. If we don't, we overpay on half of the groceries to get a good deal on the other half. And in each store, obtaining that elusive best price involves a plethora of coupons, our store-specific rewards cards, weekly customer mailings, and newspaper circulars.

Taking the car in for repairs is always a taxing experience of approximations that typically involves at least three trips to complete.

We are buried under masses of insurance: health insurance, whole life insurance, term life insurance, flood insurance, fire insurance, earthquake insurance, mortgage insurance, accidental death and dismemberment insurance, auto insurance, renters insurance, disability insurance, dental insurance... all with different policy numbers, payment schedules, and dastardly intricate pages of policy information we are supposed to be able to recall at will. I need insurance from my insurances.

Trying to replace your suddenly nonworking cell phone requires four trips across town, purchasing a random battery pack only manufactured in Zimbabwe, a body cavity search, and conversations with no less than eleven customer service reps whose first language is clearly Extra Terrestrial.

*~*~*~*~*

When buying ICE requires an understanding of the compression and pH balance of water from various regional areas, I would like to continue indulging in my ignorance and just buying the garden variety ice that comes in big bags at the supermarket or miraculously appears in my freezer compartment when I close the door. I don't ask what region it hails from or imagine it will be in the shape of Elvis (pre-drugged out phase), I just expect it to be, well... ice. If it is frozen water of some sort, that works.

But that's just me.